Keywords

family constellations

generational traumaun

resolved family patterns

DNA memory

epigenetics

transactional analysis

talk therapy alternatives

ancestral healing

systemic approach

emotional release

rejecting parents

integrating parents

hierarchy in families

family dynamics

childhood wounds

success and motherhood

energy compensation

fertility challenges

heart intelligence

Heart

Math Institute

quantum physics

cellular memory

belonging and exclusion

somatic experiences

forgiveness in families

mother energy

father energy

healing relationships

adult decision-making

life scripts

 

Transcript:

 

Lily Nichols [00:00:00]:

Do you feel like you've done everything you can on your healing or self improvement journey, yet not much has changed? You're still having a money crisis when all you want is to feel stable and build wealth. You're jumping from one relationship to the next when all you want is a healthy, lasting commitment. Or maybe your children won't speak to you and you feel estranged from your family. Is there a pattern or addiction that improves temporarily, but then before you know it, the trigger gets set off and the pattern is right back in your life, obliterating whatever delicate balance you had artfully curated? Have any of you tried talk therapy? But it feels like you're circling the drain, never really resolving the conflicts or challenges you struggle with? Today on the show, I'm so excited to chat with friend, mentor and colleague Amerlee Santeno, a Family constellations master. She is a woman with an extensive background of training and experience in neuro, linguistic programming and transactional analysis, psychotherapy, as well as master degrees in psychology, business training and development. We are going to explore how to get to the root cause of internal conflicts and how without years of talk therapy, one can make the choice to observe, integrate and make a decision that will change the course of their life. We will learn how the body gives us so many signs to guide us to where we really need in order to resolve and restore and what it means to see the world through your eyes and not the eyes of your parents.

 

Herbie [00:01:40]:

Hi, I'm Herbie.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:01:41]:

Hi.

 

Herbie [00:01:42]:

Thank you for coming here. This is exciting for me. I have the option to do this online but I always prefer to be with you in person.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:01:51]:

Of course you it's cozier and it's always lovely to be together.

 

Herbie [00:01:56]:

So this topic is very near and dear to me this work. So please tell us what you would say is the foundation of this work. And I know it's taken a lot of shapes as you've gone deeper and deeper, but what's the foundation of this work? Where did it come from?

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:02:13]:

Berhellinger and Gehrman, psychotherapist that for me actually he was a visionary that time in the 50s, 60s mother. One day he said this is family cosmic. It was something that he was little by little integrating and acquiring this unique comprehensions about the older disciplines and approach that he learned. He was a psychotherapist and even a priest at some point that noticed how religion and all these beliefs make us in the position of, you know, polarities, rejection, preference, yes and nos, do's and don'ts. Even later he lived and Shared a lot of his song with tribes in Zulu tribes in Africa, discovering their ways of living and the way that they reconcile with their ancestors.

 

Herbie [00:03:14]:

Was it as rigid?

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:03:16]:

It was like juristicians and like a missionary work that he did. And he had the opportunity to also integrate their way of living.

 

Herbie [00:03:27]:

So he was an observer.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:03:28]:

He was an observer and a dictionary. For me, he was advanced because everything that now we can put names and labels, like quantum physics, or entwine or epigenetics. Everything that we call that even has a scientific approach, right? Healing. Already knew it. So he was. I've heard that one time he was in his therapy with someone and suddenly he asked, imagine that your father is there, for example. And he started noticing changes in these people just by feeling the energy of a parent there or someone else there. He knew about these entwined and entanglements that we had.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:04:13]:

And now we know for biology that in our DNA, our family, Our family system is contained. It's integrated somehow. So if we start with Bernhelliger integrating many different therapy approach. The foundation of this is transactional analysis that has a beautiful perspective of emotions, beliefs, life script. The ego states it all the parents. So behind family constellations, there's also a philosophy of living. There's also. There's not only this tool that solve magically in conflict in your life or.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:04:52]:

Right.

 

Herbie [00:04:53]:

The infection with the work is to resolve a conflict at the corn. To resolve a conflict. But then behind that there's actually a way of life.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:05:03]:

Exactly. There's dynamics that presents in our life that are repetitive conflicted situations issue illness and constellations. Is a way to observe those dynamics that are unspoken unseen, that keep us entangled with past experiences, experiences of ancestors, parents. We live our life many times repeating the destiny of those that couldn't fulfill a desire or emotions or events that were so overwhelming for them, or if they didn't have the resources at that time. So those events are somehow presented to us again in our experience.

 

Herbie [00:05:47]:

So those unresolved conflicts, the events, the unfulfilled desires, that's passed down from our ancestors, right? Grandparents, great grandparents, going far, far back. Even the female line or the male line, right? How is that passed down?

 

Lily Nichols [00:06:04]:

Right?

 

Herbie [00:06:05]:

We're saying through DNA, right? Through the cellular memory, it's passed down. If we look at epigenetics, but then also in the storytelling, right? Because in life we don't. In the life script, right? Because we don't. You've actually made me very aware of this. The way in which perhaps my grandmother would talk about marriage. The way Steve likes to talk about it and in passing, casually, that infiltrated my mother, therefore my subconscious. Right. Because just the way it was danced with is what I observed as a child.

 

Herbie [00:06:42]:

And so that's how I started to say, this will be my story too. Or this is how it's supposed to be. We have this around money as well, right? Any energy, real estate, money.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:06:55]:

I always want to say that every experience that we encounter in life are like metaphors, right? Metaphors of things that were not solved and present to us in a second opportunity to be very. A different solution. We always think constellations are the tool. The tool that help us to restore the unity of something at once is not possible. That's what it truly is. Behind that philosophy, behind that tool, there's this way of living that embrace what we call enconcilations and forces of peace. And when we experience living in that, because life is continuously inviting us to live in that philosophy, it doesn't mean that there's not going to be problems, crisis struggles. Is that the way we embrace them? When we embrace them through this philosophy, it goes just faster.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:07:59]:

It's dismissed faster because you have these adult, what we call the adult surrender to everything that happens. You find probably the dynamic or you explore within yourself. You develop these like I call self detective. I am encountering this experience self awareness, self awareness, self awareness. And then is when you're ready to dismiss it and the. And truly what we call release, when you're able to see it with a different perspective, with a different perception, with more compassion towards what happened as many times what happened is that we recall the judges, right.

 

Herbie [00:08:44]:

Or no better and know.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:08:47]:

I know.

 

Herbie [00:08:48]:

Well, this is where I want to ask you, because people have asked me this, how is this different from cognitive behavioral therapy? And how is this different from talk therapy, let's say, and you know, trauma based work? And my answer is like, well, in talk therapy you could stay there for decades circling.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:09:06]:

So you're circling around your own perception and your own view.

 

Herbie [00:09:10]:

Yes, for circling. Right. Your own perception and your own view. And maybe you have a facilitator or a therapist who can bring you outside of that. But I found, I mean, I've been in and out of different types of therapy since I was a child. And like it felt like I would just repeat stories and it was like, well, you know, we. There's compassion. And then it kept me in my child self still wanting those things to be different.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:09:38]:

Mm.

 

Herbie [00:09:38]:

Right. And it's like that's what I have found with, you know, Cognitive behavioral therapy, it can, it can reveal to you where there's, you know, events from the past cause damage or hurt or pain. But I stayed in my child self, not really taking action to make things different or saying, well, I just must accept myself the way that I am and you know, live life in this very small way to make sure I don't get triggered. If I go too far to the right or too far to the left, I have to make sure I don't get triggered. So the cbt, that type of therapy really kept me almost like not being able to live my life fully, still a prisoner to some story.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:10:17]:

So what at this point that you're bringing? Because usually in Constellation, what it presents is the unspoken.

 

Herbie [00:10:25]:

The unspoken, the unseen.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:10:27]:

What you don't really know, what it cross chance, its exclusion. Those ancestors that surpass you know, struggle, suffering, conflict, that are somehow invested in your life towards the issue you're bringing on, the story you bring. So that's why when I have a seeker next to me and just tell me two, three sentences and the seeker.

 

Herbie [00:10:53]:

Is the person who comes to resolve.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:10:55]:

The problem, to get, to observe, to constantly they should sit with you and.

 

Herbie [00:11:00]:

They give you one or two sentences of maybe what they don't have and they want or what they feel they're stuck in, or what they feel is.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:11:06]:

The what is the issue? She what is the what is going.

 

Herbie [00:11:10]:

On in your life and not storytelling.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:11:12]:

I love the storytelling because sometimes they come say this, then I'm seeking, for example, fertility. But I think it's because my great grandmother. So they come already with that story. And I said, right, there is no exclusion because. Because you have it in your mind, it's just right there. You have it so present. Let's just let the field, what they're hearing, called the moving with the spirit mind to show us. Because that field has this energy and it's timeless and spaceless.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:11:47]:

It will take us probably one generation, your parents, few. When you were in the womb of your mother 5 year in ratios ago. We don't know the right layer. The story that presents is exactly the essential for the client. Exactly what the client needs to see and harmonize. We call harmonize to restore these forces of love, the compensation, the giving and taking, the hierarchy. There's these forces that are at play in our life that when we oversee them or overlook or even disrespect them, there's conflict and trouble and suffering in the grave. So in Constellation, what it tells is to restore that flow of love.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:12:35]:

Because love move all Systems. The thing is, sometimes love itself is not enough. It requires disorder. It requires this acknowledgment and tool of my place, the place I occupy towards the system that I serve with my family, with my nuclear family, my parents, with my ill family. So yes, that, that you said being in the adult just open and ready to observe whatever it presents far from my own story. And then is when the field surprise you and it offers you a very unique comprehension or observation of something that you don't know. Now what is the conditions for that? Because you said something important, people will call, I want this. And I always invite them to reframe that a little bit and tell me what is true that your issue journey nabiglia unable to find love, find a partner.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:13:42]:

I have difficulty with money, but it's so difficult else. From there I'll do this exercise. If you're truly able to see your difficulty in front of you, whatever it is, and say yes to it and take it.

 

Herbie [00:13:57]:

What does it mean to say yes to it? Right. So if a woman is, for example, wanting to conceive and she's having a challenge and it's revealed to her that there's a difficulty there, how does she.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:14:10]:

Take that in that what we call the. The adult surrender, that take what it is, the yes, that is the vessel that contains all the other forces is a way to flow with life. When we are in the know, when we are in the struggle, in the fight that is called in. In energy, in physics, entropy, a force of entropy. When we go against, right, fighting what it is, it creates energy that later probably seeks compensation. And the price to pay for that is high.

 

Herbie [00:14:50]:

Right? So in a sense we go to these more extreme measures to really, if we want something to be different, we go to these more extreme measures. We've put a lot of force and energy into it and almost override. And then something else is created from that action that has to be compensated for energetically. Right. I mean, I see this in the case of, let's talk about infertility, where there is something there, there's a bigger opportunity there. But many women will override that and go in this highly medicalized route and use science to get certain things, to accomplish certain things. And then they're left with maybe eight embryos that they've created. And then, okay, they get pregnant, right? And then they try again.

 

Herbie [00:15:38]:

You know, they're with their partner a few years later and gets pregnant naturally. So she says, oh, maybe there wasn't something. Maybe, you know, maybe it was just getting Pregnant and birthing that first time, that showed me I don't have to be scared of this. And now I released the fear of it. But now I have eight embryos. And now there's an energetic compensation because life has been created and has to sitting there. And so I've seen this with, with a few of my clients where they are in tears, saying, I don't know what to do with these children I've created. I can't, I don't.

 

Herbie [00:16:11]:

I can't birth eight of them. And now I don't want to get rid of them. So do I just keep them there? Definitely. And now there's a new. There's something new to answer to.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:16:20]:

It's the thing that, you know, I am very honored about the ways that now technology and science, the events allow us to have more issues for life. That is something that we should appreciate somehow. But when we do it with the mentality of the 18th century and not with the mentality of the 21st century, with that awareness of that compensation, that's what I love, the systemic. Because the systemic approach allows you to see the whole and not your individual focus on your individual desires or what I want, that tyranny of what I want and see the impact of what I do of my actions. So it's beautiful that women seek alternatives when it's beautiful, but with what mentality? With one awareness, I go and just expose myself to this Alternatives.

 

Herbie [00:17:27]:

Right.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:17:27]:

That's the question. And yes, it gets. Everything gets compensated life itself. And this is one of the forces of the giving and taking, that everything I do, everything I live in, the intimacy of myself, my thoughts, my emotions, my desires generate a energy, a field of energy. It contribute to different morphic fields. My individual destiny, actions, decisions also contribute to the collective destiny. So when we observe that, we separate a little bit and observe that it allows to take decisions that are aligned with the destiny, with more destiny. I've seen miracles in that sense.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:18:17]:

Women that after a constellation are ready to dismiss and release those dynamics, those what we call blind love or good consciousness, that make us repeat what happened before or compensate for what happened before. And they're truly able to release and honor those that suffering because of children, or that great grandmother that was abandoned with 10 children.

 

Herbie [00:18:47]:

Yeah, yeah.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:18:48]:

They can create something, shift within the DNA. I've seen that some others, responsibly, I have to say that they haven't been successful in achieving that. But when they surrender, they find peace. And at the end, that's the idea. Peace that. Yes, that you Were asking what happened with that yes, that yes from the heart give us peace and strength. And universe always seeks the less waste of energy around the least resistance. Exactly.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:19:23]:

That's what we call homeostasis. It's the contrary of that entropy. So when we are in digest even our cells expand open life enters easily digest it, connect us with gratitude. So when you truly say yes to everything as it is and get into everything as it was, you develop this gratitude for things exactly as they. Something happens that you will get more reasons to be grateful for. It's an immediate shift that I observe in clients. Yeah, very often.

 

Herbie [00:20:02]:

So when we say yes to the thing, whatever it might be, we say yes from the adult. We take it in, we expand, we're able to receive more. What is an example of saying yes? It may be a.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:20:19]:

That is a beautiful question because some people confuse the yes with oh, so I have to just not have boundaries or confuse it with my. My own. So I'm not really going to. So I need to yes, keep suffering. No, the yes for me adult is what first to my past, to what I receive.

 

Herbie [00:20:41]:

In what sense? Maybe a paradigm.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:20:44]:

For example, it was done with the parents. How many times we enter into this, you know, space of judging what we receive from our parents? Lenal Large, severe, severe, absent. We judge that what we receive right there there's a no unknown to what was to the knife you receive to exactly how it was. Sometimes it's just relinquishing to those sausage that we have in the mind that we wish we had embrace, say yes, take exactly what it is. The absence, the even. Sometimes the heart. For many is a journey. For many it doesn't happen in concession.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:21:36]:

I wish we could create a life of disorder in one hour. But I see those that that are in this journey, how it becomes converts into a great potential. Start with this yes. Even if I don't understand yes to the life I receive it all start with B. Every conflict, every situation. The foundation is the line we receive. Those are the metaphors that they turn light, no mother, the couple, the love, the money, abundance. Are those mother energy.

 

Herbie [00:22:18]:

Okay, so now I have two things in mind. I want to define how integrating mother, integrating a father and Texas today as adults in all facets of life. But first, I know so many women and men who say, you know, shared that they have stories of abuse from one of their parents or both of their parents. And they say, I've come to accept it. It was so long ago, right? It was 30 years ago. So what's the Point of dwelling on it. However, when they talk about it, you know, their nervous system, the body sweat or they get hot, right. They're having.

 

Herbie [00:22:54]:

The memories are still very much alive. And they say, well, I don't talk to that parent anymore. Right. And, you know, what's the point? They hurt me so much. But I, I, you know, I'm, I'm cool with it now, so. However, there's turmoil in their current life. I understand the need of wanting to draw boundaries because maybe it realized and this is a person. Absolutely right.

 

Herbie [00:23:17]:

And so it's not about going back and saying, we're going to have coffee every weekend.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:23:20]:

Right?

 

Herbie [00:23:21]:

Absolutely. But when I listen to them, I don't, I don't sense that they really have integrated it. They've somehow organized it in their brain that, okay, it happened, it was so long ago, I just don't talk to them. And I see certain things manifest in their daily life that maybe are connected to not really saying yes to what was. And I find that if they really, you know, they maybe they feel that if they do actually say yes to it and say, you know, that was. That's made me who I am today. That's informed me I take exactly what they gave me as it was. That would mean that they would have to let their guard down sometimes, you.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:24:00]:

Know, as you said, the distance and the boundaries are next.

 

Herbie [00:24:04]:

Yeah.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:24:05]:

And if the soul is different, there's one thing is the behavioral component. Many times it's necessary, even I guide my clients to say to some parents that are harmful or they have mental illness, now, you're there, I'm here.

 

Herbie [00:24:22]:

You're there, I'm here.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:24:23]:

You still can be grateful for the lives you received, even if I don't understand. So I take the little Q gate and I do much with it because I have also observed that all those traumas and difficulties become the portal for greatness for many.

 

Herbie [00:24:46]:

Alchemy. Alchemy.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:24:47]:

Alchemy. We all healers probably have difficult childhoods. And probably we all healers at someone wanted to save our parents because that's what we call drying love. And the same amount are proportional to the anger or rejection we feel in the soul. I've seen in constellations in the field that there is profound. So I believe those difficult destinies, because they exist, are given to those that are meant for something. Right? That are meant for healing. And I correct.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:25:25]:

So I bless those wounds. And of course it becomes challenging. And it's a journey. It's not from one day to another. And it takes A decision. It takes an adult decision.

 

Herbie [00:25:40]:

What does that mean? To make a decision from the child, when to make a decision from the adult? What might that feel like?

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:25:47]:

I can keep, you know, complaining and rejecting my childhood or avoiding, as you said, yeah, this so cool. You know, my mother was this. But it's cool, I'm okay for there. There's avoidance, there's suppression, there's a no. Or you could say, you know what? I take what I need. Whenever I receive and I do something, I make a company, I serve the collective. That is an adult decision to say yes to what I have received and yes, do everything that is present and use it with that potential. Some others, they just not ready.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:26:25]:

And that's okay. It's their process, their journey. But the more they're there complaining, rejecting the past, rejecting the parents, the more they will find experiences that invite them to embrace these feels of. To embrace these forces. So it's an individual and adult decision, whether you came there or you take the own your life and move forward. And again, as you said, it's very important when you say, doesn't mean that I'm going to call my parents every day and say, I love you, let's have coffee.

 

Herbie [00:27:07]:

No.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:27:08]:

Sometimes we need those boundaries that I also see. I have everyday messages in it. This is a miracle. I went with my mom hiking. It solves. It's not the ultimate goal of the constellation. The goal of the constellation is to help you see something that you're repeating.

 

Herbie [00:27:29]:

And disrupt the pattern and then break.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:27:32]:

That pattern and make peace with it. I know many trendy therapists lately are based on running away or not seeing what it wants. Here we do the opposite. We integrate, we see it and we embrace it and say, yes, this is what is my dance. This is my childhood. I take it fully.

 

Lily Nichols [00:27:52]:

I take it fully.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:27:53]:

When you take it fully, immediately, another energy, an energy of force, strength. You are and it shapes your reality. It does.

 

Herbie [00:28:08]:

It does, yeah.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:28:09]:

A new reality.

 

Herbie [00:28:10]:

Yeah.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:28:11]:

I have experienced it in myself, in my own situations right now, the way I embrace my own conflicts. And this is what I preach about this philosophy. And I took it as a service myself because it invites you all the time to be in adult.

 

Herbie [00:28:30]:

So would we choose to take these decisions from the adult fully? I've noticed personally that the conflict itself that I went to look at and to observe becomes more clear to me. And then I notice these added benefits, like you said. So I've noticed the added benefit personally. Right. When I go to observe a conflict, get clarity, there's the thing itself. I get this bird's eye view of the whole system, right. My family, the dynamics at play. If it's not my family, perhaps the spouse.

 

Herbie [00:29:06]:

Or even if it's something inanimate. Right. A house, some sort of big object in my life or even my career. Right. I can look at my career and get some sort of perspective on it. So I look at that. And then I also get the added benefit when I get into that. Yes.

 

Herbie [00:29:23]:

Energy of taking it as it is. Seeing it clearly, being in gratitude. There's other things seem to open up for me. Someone I hadn't spoken to in a long time in my family. Right. Recently I reconnected with my brother. Who I hadn't spoken. We hadn't spoken in about three years.

 

Herbie [00:29:42]:

And I had done some work around my great grandmother.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:29:47]:

So interesting that you bring this. Because I always say, when. Once it takes one to shift the perspective, to see something different. And the energy is energy, what we work with. It affects the whole. And it's not that the others change. It's not that we seek to change others. It's just.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:30:06]:

And it's a principle of quantum physics. The object that we observe, modify. As we modify the way we observe it.

 

Herbie [00:30:15]:

Right.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:30:15]:

The object gets modified by the type of observer we are. So probably you were, you know, entwined or entangled with something. Your brother with something different. So right there, each sibling, we could say that. Choose a different entanglement or intrication with the sounding system. So sometimes problems, confrontation, conflicts. Comes from the polarities that were before in confrontation. We want to shift a little bit.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:30:48]:

The polarity that it's in. Necessarily affects the other. Yep. And that's the other force. Belonging.

 

Herbie [00:30:55]:

Right. So belonging. And so, okay, there's two things here. So I know that because I have a different biological father. Than the father I grew up with. And I remember something so that struck me. Maybe it was two years ago. When you had said, you know, place your father.

 

Herbie [00:31:10]:

You know, imagine your father in front of you. And I. I thought. I felt the impulse to say, which one? And before, I would have just said, you know, the father I grew up with is the father. Like, I would have never considered the biological father as someone to bring in. And then when I said, which father? I realized there was something needing to. Wanting to come to the surface. And he said, you biological father.

 

Herbie [00:31:31]:

And then I thought to myself, well, I don't know him well. And he didn't really play a role in my life. Right. The perception that he didn't play a role in my life, even though I.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:31:40]:

Now he only gave you life.

 

Herbie [00:31:42]:

Forget the fact that I literally exist because of him. Did he play a role? Right. And that was a huge aha moment for me that I didn't get in years.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:31:53]:

In years.

 

Herbie [00:31:54]:

Talk therapy. So, you know, I'm on your dismissing different types of talk therapy. Right. Because I feel like I have learned skills for somatic regulation and things like that. But it's the perspective, these profound perspective shifts that I've gone through. Family constellation, I just, I really didn't get and other types of therapy. And so now that I work so deeply in the fertility, conception and birth world, I have come across a lot of instances, you know, where the biological parent is not acknowledged. And, you know, there's a lot of blended families, of course, and there's beautiful circumstances that are created from blended families, but there is a rejection of that biological parent.

 

Herbie [00:32:39]:

And I've seen this with even my clients who are adopted and didn't know. Say they didn't know their. Their biological parents. Right. And so no, they only regard their adoptive parents. And so what became possible for me once I started acknowledging my biological father and like saying yes to the story of how I was conceived, like, so much opened up for me, which would be like a whole other podcast episodes, but so much opened up for me. And I felt a sense of relief in my body and like, almost joy. There's some level of joy that opened up in me and like, that's the force.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:33:20]:

That's the strength you gain when you acknowledge your source. Egyptian strength. I am the daughter of both of you equally and the saved. When you say that you can all listeners and experience. Yeah. Imagine your past and imagine saying I am the daughter of both of equally and not the same. So you relinquish somehow your preference of them, as many times we have, even to that desire to save one of them and not the other one. And you acknowledge them both as your source of life, leaving with them.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:34:04]:

What's happening between them? None of your business.

 

Herbie [00:34:09]:

We don't know better. We don't know better.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:34:10]:

I see in constellations how sometimes the client representative is trying to claw the hooves. And that is where hierarchy comes at play. I unlock my rifle play. I place of force as the daughter.

 

Herbie [00:34:27]:

Right. Because they're assuming a role of knowing better than the parents, trying to fix the parents. If only the parents would do this.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:34:34]:

Then this keeping them together in the.

 

Herbie [00:34:36]:

Soul, or keeping them together in the soul when their destiny was to be apart. Right. So.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:34:42]:

Or even substituting for oneself because symbolically we can become partners in love of our parents.

 

Herbie [00:34:51]:

Right. When we talked about this. But now we're looking at it from a different perspective.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:34:55]:

And something important that you said the child later that child that it's. Its pattern was rejected, dismissed or judged will carry that rejection with it. Wouldn't carry it. So probably it will become it. But somehow there's a compensation. So when you look at your child and you say you I honor your father. The child feels peace, belonging, acceptance. Acceptance, permission to leave because the child.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:35:31]:

We are all children of our parents, right? When we feel that our mother or father talks bad about the other parent, somehow they're rejecting you because your house.

 

Herbie [00:35:45]:

Half your mother off your fiance. I see this a lot. You know, I do. I have friends that are divorced and you know, remarried and their parents and I. I do notice that there is this kind of exclusion that happens where it's like, oh yeah, there he is again doing the thing. Right. And my friends will say, oh, I mean my mom talks like that about my dad. It's so frustrating because I get her pain.

 

Herbie [00:36:09]:

Why do I have to fold it so?

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:36:11]:

Yeah, it's for those guys. It's beautiful that you imagined your father as an adult as the woman you are today. Now I see you with my own and now through the eyes of my is immediately how shift with he and vow to whatever it also he experienced that wouldn't allow him to probably be present forgive. Because each generation compensates for a past of rejection and exclusion. And we decent generation we are in charge of that. Whether reconcile it or if we don't pass it on to our children.

 

Herbie [00:36:55]:

Yeah, that's really powerful. I mean in so many situations I choose to see this with my own eyes. I can say that about so many things. And once you say that you realize oh, I've been seeing this scenario, this scenario, this person through the eyes of someone else. Right. And if we're talking about self sovereignty being the keepers of our own experience, what more beautiful way to reclaim that sovereignty it's like to choose to see it through our own eyes. And all the. I mean I've had.

 

Herbie [00:37:26]:

1. I remember there was just in one of our group sessions, one of the groups that you hosted. I remember when there was a woman and I know you, you do so many like you, you always tell me I don't remember what happened in the room.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:37:41]:

Some I do.

 

Herbie [00:37:41]:

Some I remember it was a man who, you know, couldn't be in relationship. He wanted a partner. Nothing really lasted very long. He didn't Know why he couldn't hold down the relationship. And then the mother. Someone representing his mother came in and she was. And his shoulder almost. Per.

 

Herbie [00:38:02]:

Chin was almost touching over his shoulder. And I think what. What was observed there was that he was. She was in Venezuela and he was sending her money and he was taking care of her and he was trying to find a way to get her to come to the US and he was here in the United States. Right. So I think what was observed there was that he was very much entangled because when he was a young boy, the father left, so she didn't have.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:38:27]:

He assumed the role probably of the couple, of the mother.

 

Herbie [00:38:30]:

He assumed the role as. Right.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:38:33]:

There's an exclusion. So we talk the opportunity to talk about the force of belong. The exclusion is not only what we reject or resent or judge, it's what we suppress, what we void. And there's a lot of father exclusion. Our genes and our DNA collectively, our primal brain since the beginning of life.

 

Herbie [00:38:56]:

And so I remember the. I still remember that one. It was, you know, we saw clearly. I can still be. I can be her son now. I choose. I choose to see relationship through my own eyes. Right.

 

Herbie [00:39:10]:

I choose to be your son. I lead your story of you and my father with you. And I walk towards life. I walk towards a relationship of my own, you know, and very profound to observe that because I know now that as an observer, there is a dimension of that that is applicable to me in some form. Absolutely right. And so that's why the group work is really beautiful.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:39:36]:

Berninger always said that the solution good for one is good for all.

 

Herbie [00:39:41]:

Yeah.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:39:41]:

I tell to everyone in my groups, well, even the training is that I still attend 200 people, 100 people, usually in Spain, in Argentina, where you can train and you leave transport, even if you don't touch the field or just being there, get involved, embraced by the energy, by this sentence that pierce your.

 

Herbie [00:40:08]:

Soul, a simple sentence that really does.

 

Lily Nichols [00:40:11]:

Appear to the soul.

 

Herbie [00:40:12]:

It's like such a clarifying, settling statement. And it really does smooth the soul.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:40:19]:

That is in Australia, really. That affects the DNA that impacts the DNA, the core of our DNA. And this was discovered by a Russian psychic, Pietro Guard, the Russian physicist. Physicists, yeah. And he studied not only the extension of our DNA exposure and holographic screen, but also later he discovered that in the core of our DNA there's linguistic words, language, of course, that it modifies the inner structure of our DNA. That's when we say these sentences, when we get chills and something Moves within is at the level of the Bible.

 

Herbie [00:41:03]:

No.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:41:04]:

I always invite participants and seekers to just surrender to what is it present and not seeking to understand.

 

Herbie [00:41:16]:

Right. That's been huge.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:41:17]:

Yes.

 

Herbie [00:41:18]:

Even after I mentioned to you the event this weekend, after we did that large group of 40 women. A lot of them said, but how does it work? I am trying to understand. And I said, I can't quite explain it in perhaps the way Amberly can, but I would just invite you to continue to feel it in your body and not make any stories about it. You don't have to deconstruct it and you'll start to feel. And even one woman said, I feel chills. Right. Like I've been feeling kind of. And I said, well, the body's releasing something because the body keeps score.

 

Herbie [00:41:51]:

We know that. Right. There's an incredible book about it. So the body is processing something. Right. Just with new language that was.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:41:59]:

This is somatic experience. Our body contains this biological energy within our cells. Our telomeres, our cells are alive. We also are. We are composed by many micro systems within. Yeah. And there's layers in the momentum is one layer. And it's very valuable.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:42:18]:

Yes, very valuable to work with it with. With psychotherapy. Whether it's a big trauma involved, one constellation will not release the entire trauma. It's needed to complementary psychotherapy. But here we are in a different layer of the knee. We are not in the prefrontal, the neocortex. We are in the body that contains the soul. And within ourselves there's this energy that expands or contracts that knows when we are in yes life or in the past.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:42:57]:

Bleeding in a no. So what I experience is that when people use less the prefrontal less that need of fold or understand everything flows better. Because somehow these also requires energy.

 

Herbie [00:43:14]:

Right.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:43:15]:

So it's an energy that somehow disrupt the other layer. So we go down through the body through the heart. I'm certified in Heart Math Institute as well. I'm coach and mentor for the Heart Math Institute. And it's amazing the research they have done that through the heart and these electromagnetic field that the heart expands is capable of shifting that are magnificent, that are not Today we're able to live with the mind because the mind is already full of figures, success, experiences, script. So we weaken down to the soul and we expand our heart and see it in our body. We are all interconnected. The interconnectedness of heart it's already demonstrated by sight.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:44:08]:

So go research Heart Math Institute. The science behind the heart. We are all connected.

 

Herbie [00:44:13]:

Yeah.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:44:13]:

And even room itself. You know, in one drop of the ocean, there's the entire ocean. So all the information of our ancestor of the connecting, it's. It's there. So when we connect hearts, even the science that is very young, neuroscience tells about these connections. And when we get together with someone else, we can even adopt or the mood get contagious. Yeah, that is neuroscience. It's how the behavior of our neurons and it's beyond our comprehension.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:44:52]:

So when we allow ourselves that magic. Because it's not that you can explain constellations, right. You can explain the philosophy, but this energy, this approach that involves body somatic experience, linguistic emotions, movement, sensations, those sensations that you said that are already linked with the. The findings in Germany, medicine.

 

Herbie [00:45:23]:

Yeah.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:45:24]:

That there's phases of active conflict and phases of resolving conflict. There's symptoms and sensations that happen in the body. You can experience it right there. People tell me that heating my body, of course you're repairing, you're releasing it. So every sensation, every emotion that is felt and discharged in the field dismiss one of these script one of these beliefs.

 

Herbie [00:45:54]:

So when you feel that charge in your body, an offloading of energy, whether it's heat, whether it's cold, whether it's a shooting pain or tingling, and then it stops. That's the body resolving it's information.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:46:07]:

Yes. And you see immediately how you have experienced it, Ayla. How the representative of the client at some point could stand up and see light. Ask Sinker next to me. The client is able to open that heart and embrace whatever is in there.

 

Herbie [00:46:27]:

University circumstances where someone observes the conflict that they want to observe and they retreat back. They, they.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:46:36]:

Yes. And I stop the consternation.

 

Herbie [00:46:38]:

Okay.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:46:38]:

Because it's not the. Every family system, every soul has their path, their process, their pace. And I respect that. It's not that a facilitator goes and interferes or modify the destiny or is in charge of hearing anything.

 

Herbie [00:46:54]:

Right?

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:46:54]:

Right. Is sometimes what the constellation shows you is a decision that you probably have to take.

 

Herbie [00:47:02]:

Decision we have to take. And maybe we. The mindset gets online so people come.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:47:07]:

Like I need to accept my father and say, well, let's see how constellations can help you with that. Because that is a decision. Sometimes, of course, if you know, I'm entangled with a previous partner of my mother. That happens, you know, not only with family members, but with those that are affected by our family members.

 

Herbie [00:47:29]:

What's outsider that comes to impact our nuclear family. Right. Either through a marriage contract or through whatever, you know, biological exchange or whatever it Is they. They integrate into our family fat or.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:47:43]:

Part of our system. Those that were hurt by our family or those that.

 

Herbie [00:47:48]:

So some hurt someone in our nuclear family could have hurt an outsider, a crime, a theft or something. And that created an energy exchange there.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:47:58]:

Exactly. Then we end up compensating for so many of these confrontations. Many women that come to me, I can't stand my water. There's confrontation and we observe in the system is that the client is entangled with a previous partner of the father that was abandoned or that was hurt by the father or left out just for the father to meet the mother. So the first child usually gets the invitation to restore that exclusion and to see it in the heart and dismiss it. Sometimes what I ask the clients. Are you willing to take your father in your heart? Because the constellation will not work if you're not in the yes.

 

Herbie [00:48:41]:

If you're not in the yes. Yeah. That's when it comes back to you every time. The opportunity to be in the yes. Yeah. Okay. So this last important piece that I really wanted to get into. How do we see the integration of the mother and the integration of the father play out or lack of integration play out in our everyday adult life? I know this is a huge topic, but maybe to kind of put it simply, how we can see certain challenges in our life manifest like these.

 

Herbie [00:49:13]:

These challenge challenges manifest based on rejection of the mother, rejection of the father. And what could become available when we.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:49:21]:

Truly the rejection manifests in the first term. Rejection to last.

 

Herbie [00:49:28]:

Your own rejection. Yeah, your rejection.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:49:29]:

So somehow the soul you reject your.

 

Herbie [00:49:32]:

And that can look like perhaps harmful self behave, you know, is a harmful behavior towards self.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:49:38]:

The dynamics could be many and also manifest in different areas of your life. Your main areas of life. Money is an energy of mother. Success. Verhelinger used to say that success has the face of your mother. And he proposed even visualizations that look at your mother and see the images you have created of her. Did you feel bigger, smarter? Know it all better? Then now look at life. How do you acknowledge that are you successful in life? How do you see others and treat others? It's very similar, those images.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:50:19]:

So the images we have towards our mothers will define many of the main areas. Abundance, love and partnership, money. Mother is life, this our source. And the father is the real. What is it? It's our push to life. That desire to wake up every morning and go to work and have this strong in our reality. That is from the thought, the career, the languages that we speak, the place, our territory where we live, that is energy, that is from the father, from the masculine.

 

Herbie [00:51:06]:

So follow up can open up. When we choose to integrate those two figures, those two energies.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:51:13]:

It's only. It's. It's only. And it starts with. It starts with. With that. Yes. Unconstitutional.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:51:21]:

Yes to what I received exactly as it was. And as an adult, to make what they give, didn't give me. They couldn't. I gave it to myself.

 

Herbie [00:51:30]:

That's a beautiful parting gift. Thank you for being here with me and thank you for sharing your wisdom. Thanks that you're really profound. As someone who personally witnesses a lot of life being created and phases of life and initiations. I always think of you and what you might say, what you might invite me to observe about these things. And it's given me so much compassion and so much stillness in the work that I do. So thank you.

 

Amerlee Santeno [00:52:01]:

It's because you were ready and it was meant to be. And I am so grateful to you to open doors for your community, to embrace this philosophy, for all the beautiful women you have sent my way and I think like little seeds that are in service to life, to more reconciliation, to embrace the opposites, to relinquish the judgment and understand and be compassionate. That everyone carries a story in Kangohu and we all denote. So thank you so much.